Thursday, March 31, 2005 

Watch the movie "Sliding Doors." I just did and I reeeeallly liked it. It goes along with my belief that eventually people get to where they're supposed to be in their lives, even though there are different paths they can take to get there. I guess I do believe in fate, to an extent. I don't believe that every moment in life is planned out, pre-destined...but I do believe that certain events and situations are supposed to occur in our lives and that we're supposed to be in certain places at certain times. But I think that how we get there is largely up to us. Of course, I have no way of distinguishing which moments are planned out to benefit us some way in the future and which moments are left up to us to decide on...

Do you believe in fate? Is every moment mapped out for us, or just the big stuff? Or do you think it's entirely made up spontaneously as we go along?

It's kind of interesting, really, how when people really want to believe (or disbelieve) in something, they can find any way possible to justify their beliefs...

That is all.

Posted by Rachel at 3:54 PM |

Wednesday, March 30, 2005 

I have to write four poems for my creative writing class. I haven't got any worthwhile subject matter, nor do I have the motivation. Gr.

I'm hungry. I haven't been eating much the past few days, not since Easter. Nothing appeals to me - I guess I've gotten sick of all the food options in the Doan, and I can't afford much else. Guess I'll not have to worry about that "dreaded" freshmen 15.

Dan and I got into a bit of a ....disagreement... yesterday and ended up not talking for the rest of the night. Turns out it was largely based on a slight misunderstanding, but still, I was rather hurt by the comment he made before we stopped talking. I missed him and wanted him to come see me; he'd had a bad day (but wouldn't tell me the details) and just wanted to stay home. I'll spare you the details, but I ended up doing dishes and homework then hanging out with my friend Ben. We went to Meijer's and Wal-Mart for the sole purpose of looking at all the toys. It's nice to have a friend that doesn't have to drive 35 minutes to hang out - he lives over somewhere in old town, lol. And it was much fun to look at the toys, even if the stupid love songs they played over the PA made me sad about Dan.

We talked this morning though. Apparently all is well again.

However, now I best be off to my dentist appointment. Then I should find something to eat.

Posted by Rachel at 2:31 PM |

Tuesday, March 22, 2005 

I'm going to a Ludacris concert. Weird. Since he's performing here at SVSU, students get tickets dicsounted $10. Ryan wanted to go, so I'm going with him.

I'm not really a big fan of Ludacris, though he's got a song or two that I kinda like. I don't know much of his stuff, to be honest.

Finally getting rid of the old computer today. I had to transfer files to my new computer via CD, and yesterday the old computer kept screwing up and not burning the CDs (it kept giving me error messages stating that the info I wanted to put on the CD wasn't getting sent to the burner fast enough. Like what am I supposed to do about it?) so I finally said "screw it" and gave up. I'll just have to lose some of my music files. It kinda sucks, but I'm thinking I might keep Napster for a month or two so I can re-download the songs I lost.

Oh. Thinking about taking Dan out to see The Ring 2 probably Friday night. Anyone want to come with us? His birthday is Saturday, btw. Due to the condition of his house, I dunno if there's any way to have an actual party for him...I don't even know if he wants one. He's doing the cake-and-ice cream thing with his family on Thursday.

I think I'm gonna get rid of this template. It might be more trouble than it's worth. Unless I can figure out how to fix some stuff (ha...right).

Posted by Rachel at 12:07 PM |

Friday, March 18, 2005 

New computer up and running finally, after a few minor agitations. I had to wait in line at Best Buy a lot longer than I wanted to, just to tell them to put AntiVirus and SpySweeper on it; the guy said it would take about an hour and a half. That was at 1:30; I had to be to work at 3. Or so I thought. I went to work at 3, only to find out I didn't have to be there til 330, so I could've gone to pick up my computer after all. But I'd already punched in when I found out...

So I just picked it up on my lunch so that I could set it up after work. Fast forward to about 1030pm or so; everything's hooked up and I go to try and register my computer online through SVSU's network. The page won't go anywhere. I call tech support and actually get an answer; the guy tells me that the people who'd fix my problem were out for the night. Great. So I packed the old computer onto the desk with the new one and went online with that one (because SVSU's network is retarded like that).

I work 29.75 hours next week. One shift I don't go in til 515 (instead of the usual 5pm) so that I couldn't be considered full time (30 hrs is full time at Old Navy, for whatever reason). I don't think he did it intentionally; I think it was the computer. Still, that's a lot of hours. On top of all my classes. I work 14 hours Saturday and Sunday alone; I work every day (except Tuesday) until next Saturday.

They're lucky I don't hate the place. Besides, money is good. It means I can afford a place to live, should an opportunity arise.

Posted by Rachel at 5:14 PM |

Tuesday, March 15, 2005 

So this template is completely unlike any of the other templates I've used before, so if it sucks or has weird problems, my apologies. If I can't get all the problems worked out once I get my new computer, then I'll switch back to the old template.

Anyway. Just got done watching "Little Black Book." Pretty good movie, though not among my top favorites. Though I don't know if I could define what my top favorites are...I signed up for a free 2-week trial of Netflix (well, actually Best Buy signed me up) and I have no intention of continuing to subscribe once the trial is up (it's a really cool setup, but $17.99 a month for movies is a little too much for a poor college student like me). But I am trying to think of all the movies I've been wanting to see so that I can order them. Any recommendations?

Posted by Rachel at 7:40 PM |

Monday, March 14, 2005 

Who's got a new computer on the way? ME.

My mom held true to her promise to give me $800 of her tax money and I was approved for a Best Buy card with a $1000 credit limit. They had to back-order the tower that I wanted, as they'd just sold the display model when I got there, but I have my 15" flat screen monitor, my printer/scanner/copier and my battery back-up power supply, plus all the accessories I never knew I'd need. :P They gave me the printer cable (which apparently doesn't come with the printer anymore - retarded) and paper; black, colored, and photo ink; a spool of blank DVDs; one of those storage things that plugs into your USB port, and a bunch of other stuff.

So it is farewell to my stone-age HP pavilion; you have served me well (for the most part).

Posted by Rachel at 9:40 AM |

Thursday, March 10, 2005 

rant

Son of a bitch fucking hell. Am I the only one around here between the ages of 18 and 20 who has this desire to NOT live with my parents?? Apparently I am the only one who has enough of such a desire to try and do something about it (well, except for Katie, who already has an apartment of her own). So far everyone has officially backed out of going in on an apartment together except Ryan, but the two of us can't afford the expensive 2-bedroom apartments around here (for that, I'd like to thank in part the SHIT economy, which makes it impossible for a person like myself to get a job that pays more than $6 an hour and still go to school) and there's no way in hell we're sharing a one-bedroom.

So what gives? Don't you people want to be independent? Yeah, we're all poor, that's the idea of going in on one together - to save us all some money. Don't like the idea that you might have to share a room with another person (perhaps a close friend)? Fine then. Live with your parents. Enjoy your "stable" lifestyles. I don't know when you all plan on "leaving the nest," but myself personally, I just WANT OUT. I got out of my dad's house and came to live here on campus. I'd rather be dirt poor than have to move back in this summer (because if I do go back, it will be indefinitely - who knows when anyone's going to get the notion that they might want to be out on their own) but it appears that I'll have no choice. On-campus housing is pretty much full and the prices are ridiculously inflated anyway. I'd rather save that money and get my own apartment then hand it all (plus the loan I'd have to take out - the 8 months I spent on campus this school year cost $5400) to SVSU.

ARRRRRGH.

/rant

Posted by Rachel at 4:21 PM |

 

Last night while I was in the middle of straightening up the baby girls section at work, my GM came in for the evening. As she passed me on her way to the back room, she said, "Oh, good, you're here tonight. I want to talk to you." It was probably half an hour or so before she actually called me back into the office. I tried to decide what it was she could want to talk to me about while I waited. I wasn't consistantly more than a minute late, and to my knowledge I'd been following all the policies and procedures. So I knew that it couldn't be anything bad, but it seemed to me that it couldn't be anything too exciting, either.

I was incorrect; it was exciting, at least to me. The managers want to promote me to the title of "certified cash handler." Sounds a little silly, and I'm sure it's pretty self-explanatory, but it made me feel important. I get to be one of 3 people in the store (besides the managers) authorized to handle Old Navy's money - counting, changing, and auditing drawers, etc. I get to start training after they do a background check on me. "If you're wanted in four states," my manager told me, "we'll know."

Posted by Rachel at 3:21 PM |

Wednesday, March 09, 2005 

My word...this song....


"Get out of my dreams! and into my car,
get out of my mind! and into my life..."

I just...

WHY???

And did the girl fall for that line? I mean, seriously.

Posted by Rachel at 3:19 PM |

 

Sigh.

I miss feeling like there's a deeper meaning to life somewhere. Something more to it than this.

I can't seem to find it underneath my endless busy daily routines. And I don't really think it's here in Saginaw anyway. So where is it?

Why can't I just be shallow like so many other people in the world? Just looking out for number one, living day to day, not caring about possible consequences - ignorance is bliss, right?

Maybe I should give up on this irrational desire of mine to "become something great" and just live for the moment. Party, drink, experiment with life's worldly pleasures.

At least then I could be happy for the moment, right?

Ha. Right. I can definitely foresee that one blowing up in my face.

Ugg. I feel sometimes like I don't really know who I am anymore. Or maybe that I don't like who I've become. Like most of the things I used to stand for in the past are...gone.

So what does it take to make me happy?

I don't know. I guess I'm not really even depressed. Just unsatisfied. But with what specifically, I don't think I could say.

Posted by Rachel at 12:33 PM |

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 

Things that have sucked as of recently

--The unsalted sidewalks around campus resulting in me slipping and hurting my lower back and my wrist
--The "21+ only" sign on the back door of White's bar (and the fact that we're all still 19)
--My car's dead battery - so drained of power that the ignition didn't even click when I turned the key
--My drawing of a person in art class today
--The fact that apparently Kurtis and I are avoiding each other now - though I guess it's as much my fault as it is his. I saw him at White's last weekend, and I wanted to talk to him but I lost my nerve and didn't know what to say, so I didn't. I guess I'll not be going to White's again, as it overall did not yield good results. And he's right, I don't particularly care for bars. Maybe I'll go see Stamp'd when they play at Shooter's or something. I admit, I wish it didn't have to be this way, but that's what I get.
--Apartments around here that are too damn expensive.
--I'm poor.


Things that have not sucked as of recently

--My friend Ben in drawing class who always shares his fruit snacks from the vending machine with me
--Anna coming up to visit
--Not having to work yesterday or today
--The frosted brownies I made the other day for Dan and Matt in thanks for unsticking my stuck car
--My brother and his friend Brian, who came and jumped my car for me tonight

Posted by Rachel at 8:19 PM |

Monday, March 07, 2005 

What I thought was just going to be me and Jeff (or even just me) on a trip to White's tonight has apparently escalated into a group thing. *sneezes* That's cool though. I won't have to feel like a retard sitting there by myself.

Posted by Rachel at 2:46 PM |

Saturday, March 05, 2005 

Went to see Stamp'd play last night with Paul; I must say I liked the band a lot better live than on CD. It was the first time I ever hung out with Paul that we weren't in a group, which was a little odd but nonetheless entertaining. I joked to him that I was "cramping his style" while he was girl watching. He claimed that I wasn't, and that I was basically like one of the guys, but I told him that the potential girls didn't know that.

We got to White's quite early (why Paul wanted to be so early is beyond me, but at least we got a good parking spot) and played a game of pool, which of course I lost. Is there supposed to be a cover charge when you go in to see Stamp'd play? Cuz Paul had heard that it was $5, but we never had to pay - they never even carded us, just the table next to us. *Shrug*

The band plays again Monday night; I think I might see if Jeff wants to go out there during our routine Monday-night hangout. This time maybe I'll bring my sketchbook so that my hands have something to do while I listen. Last night I resorted to folding a piece of paper about 4576 times, then ended up just crumpling it up and straightening it back out over and over. Odd habit of mine, I guess.

Posted by Rachel at 9:57 AM |

Thursday, March 03, 2005 

so how 'bout this weather we're having?

It would appear that my car dislikes the snow almost as much as I do. The other morning I missed my piano class because I was stuck in STC -- unable to get into my car, that is. The locks were frozen on both sides -- I couldn't even get the key in the driver's side lock all the way, and on the passenger side the key wouldn't turn (I thought I was going to break the key in half from wrenching on it so hard. I didn't break it, but the places where it dug into my hands were a bit uncomfortable, to say the least). By the time I did get in (after cussing, kicking [yes, I literally kicked my car doors - partially in frusteration, partially hoping to jar the frozen locks loose] and waiting to see if the sun would warm things up) I was in no mood to attend piano class. I didn't make it back to SVSU until it was half over anyway.

Then last night, hehe, last night was even better. I had just been talking earlier about how I hadn't gotten stuck in all the snow in my little car. Then I went and got myself stuck. In Dan's driveway, off to the side where his dad hadn't cleared away the snow. I pulled in, forgetting that the yard dipped down at that particular area, cuz the snow filled it all in...My car (which is front wheel drive) sprayed all the snow away from under the front tires, then just kinda sat there, not moving, front tires still spinning. It took Dan, Matt, Matt's friend, and his brother to get my car out....They literally pushed the back end sideways so that the car could get some traction since it had bottomed out in the snow, then push on the back end while Dan alternated between forward and reverse to get it out of the hole. Matt said, "Well, Rachel, when you do something, you do it good."

I am tres grateful to them.

Posted by Rachel at 10:16 PM |

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 

Ah, the pain of practicing the guitar again. My mom was going to sell hers (along with the amp) to buy a drum set. Now, of course it'd rock if my mom got a drum set, but I proposed to her that she give me the guitar (a lovely deep purple Oscar Schmidt by Washburn) and amp in place of some or all of the $300 she still owes me.

I do believe she decided to accept my proposal cuz the last time I was there, she let me take the guitar. So I guess, after my 2-month (approximately) hiatus, I'm officially trying to learn to play it again.

WHY did I get up so early this morning?? I could've slept in, but no, my body wouldn't allow it. "It's Wednesday! Let's be up at 9am!" it says. I say, "But it's spring break! I don't have to be to piano class at 10am today." and it says, "You've had enough sleep! Get up! Get up! Get up! Get --"

You get the picture.

Posted by Rachel at 10:54 AM |

 

Google now says I have 50 Gmail invites to give out. Fifty!! Why don't they just open it so that anyone can sign up?? I don't even know if I know 50 people. Well, okay, I do, but I'm sure I don't know 50 people who want Gmail and don't already have it. Yeesh.

Posted by Rachel at 10:14 AM |

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 

Well, at least February is over.

Then again though, what is there to look forward to in March? I feel like all I do anymore is sit and wait for hours, days, weeks to pass. But for what? I feel like I'm wishing away my life, but I haven't got anything else to do. I really need to find a new pastime or something. I spend a lot of my free time at Dan's; so much that sometimes I feel like I've overstayed my welcome. Cut into his gaming time or something. He never says that, but...I don't know. He'd probably tell me that I'm being ridiculous. He continues about whatever it is he wants to get done whether I'm there or not, usually. Everyone needs their space, though...

There isn't much to do there either most days, in all honesty. This past Sunday I was literally nearly bored to tears. I get so tired of just sitting and doing nothing, you know? It's not really Dan's fault; neither one of us has a lot of money to spend (including for gas) and that really cuts back on your options in terms of things to do, especially with the weather being so damn cold. We ended up going to visit Anna and Alex (and Dan's old roommate) at CMU Sunday night for a few hours, which provided some entertainment. But I can't just pack it up and drive to another town every time I get bored, however exciting that prospect may be.

I think I just need a place of my own. Somewhere that I can get settled into, with a couch that I can park on and sit for the evening. A place where I can set up all my stuff (and have enough room to do so) without having to worry that in a couple months I'm going to have to pack it all up again (the school year ends approximately April 30...). I think that would make me happy. Jeff and I found a really nice place becoming available in April, a 2-bedroom apartment at the Poplars over by Green Acres Plaza for $480/mo. Which I can't afford, I don't think, until I find another job. *crosses fingers* We ran into Paul's sister Jenny at the mall that same day; she just got a job as a front desk clerk at the Fairfield Inn where we both applied last week. She told us that they need housekeeping people really bad, which is the position that I applied for...she's going to try to put in a good word for us.

Anyone else interested in being one of our roommates? The more we can split up the cost of rent, the cheaper it is for everyone....My stepmom reminded me of a house for rent in STC, right in town. I think I might look into that too, if I can find roommates with jobs...

Posted by Rachel at 11:55 AM |