Monday, January 30, 2006
Life goes on, as always. Perhaps things will continue to get better with the passage of time. We somewhat "resolved" the situation but I still felt heavy for the next few days. It hasn't completely subsided, but as I've implied, I'm starting to feel a little better.I'm trying not to go over there so much. Or call him that much. Or maintain the mindset that free time not spent with him is wasted. Usually no matter what I'm doing off by myself, I'd rather be with him. Not every single moment, but more often than not. But he's made it fairly clear that I'm more or less alone in that one.
Only time will tell where this ride ends, I guess. And whether I'll decide to ride it to the end and pray that I don't crash, or finally just jump off and hope for a soft landing...
Posted by Rachel at 4:41 PM |
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
I can't sleep. I hate it when I can't sleep but I guess this time it's kind of my fault. Fighting hath ensued and all my over-analytical brain wants to do is recap everything. Over and over. Or just cry. So here I am.I guess it's been made clear though. He's not looking for...the same thing I was looking for, I guess. Here I was thinking I just might want to marry him someday and that's "not what he's looking for. At all." You can ignore the signs all you want, I guess, but when they give it to you in words....I feel even more like the clingy over-attached girlfriend that the guy in the movies leaves for the much cooler, more exciting new woman that comes along.
That's not even what the whole thing was about. Apparently it was a mistake to tell him that I wanted to be as high of a priority for him as he is for me. He took it as me wanting him to drop all his hobbies or whatever ("all" being "gaming" - and I didn't even ask him to drop it, I'm just sick of...).
He also informed me of the fact that he's sick of me "getting pissy all the time" when I don't get my way. For God's sake, aren't we past this point yet? What am I, just another pastime? I get to have my place, but I'm no more important than the game? It's not even about the stupid game anymore, I guess. I don't know what to do now. What do I do? What do you do when you find out that the other person doesn't feel the same about you as you do them?
Why do I do this to myself?
Posted by Rachel at 2:32 AM |
Monday, January 23, 2006
I wish someone thought of me as "amazing.":(
Posted by Rachel at 10:40 PM |
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
So Jeff's new plan is that Saturday night we will go to the Wayside, all who want to come are invited, even if you're not big into dancing (though he was being a jerk later so I told him I wasn't going, even though it was supposedly in my honor). Usually the party there doesn't start til 10pm though, so if anyone can think of something to do beforehand...Unfortunately, there's no mall in Mt Pleasant. Pretty lame. And I don't have money for the casino.
Posted by Rachel at 10:20 AM |
Thursday, January 12, 2006
"...if you love something, set it free..."You'll have to excuse me if I'm a little short-tempered lately. I apologize.
My boyfriend is moving out. He never officially moved in but he's been staying here for months now, and I'm going to miss having him around. I understand though, he wants to try "living on his own" (with Matt). I've been there too, I guess, though my definition of "on my own" was simply "not with my parents." But I've talked about it with people and apparently guys are different from girls and blah blah blah.
Not that I got to see him much. He works nights (goes in at 4pm and gets out at 330am, for anyone who doesn't already know); I'm gone before he wakes up and rarely if ever home before 7pm. Two jobs (averaging 30-35 hours a week total) and 18 hours of school every week will do that to a person, I guess.
I don't really know what to do for my birthday. I'm not all that excited about it, really. I mean, I am, but...I don't really have the time, money, or motivation to plan anything. Throw me a surprise party if you want a party. Dan and Matt can have alcohol at their new place, so you won't be deprived your night of drinking. If they'd let you have it there. Cuz Dan might be mad at me. I don't know.
I'm not really too worried about it, I guess. A party I mean.
I don't want him to leave. :( But don't tell him because I already told him it was okay. And it is. I'm just being a little selfish.
Posted by Rachel at 9:11 PM |
Monday, January 09, 2006
all about meMy birthday. January 20. Less than 2 weeks away. What should I do? Should I have a party? My actual birthday falls on a Friday; hopefully Dan will be able to get the day off from work (if not I'm going up to Mt Pleasant to "cut rugs" with Veresh and whoever else wants to join - Dan's not much into dancing). I took Saturday and Sunday off from work as well, so all 3 days are open. Even if I have a party on Saturday instead, I still want to do something Friday.
Someone suggested a pajama party; I dunno if I'll have the money to buy supplies (food etc.). Do I want to have a party or do I want to go out like we did last year? Some skeeball sounds fun right about now; otherwise, I'm always up for a shopping trip...
Suggestions please.
Posted by Rachel at 4:16 PM |
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
As promised, party pictures.PRE NEW-YEAR
The idea of a premier party kind of turned more into a "dress up nice" party, though there were a few eccentricities (is that a word?). Jeff had a makeshift "red carpet," though I don't know how many people actually walked in on it (most of us seemed to have a habit of going in and out the side door). Dan and I were among the last few to arrive, so things were pretty much in "full swing" when we got there.
Ryan can't keep his eyes open in photographs for some reason, so I just picked one where Anna and I looked good. ;)
One of the cool things about the party was the fact that everyone pretty much knew everyone else (with a few exceptions, of course), so you could mingle with everyone and have something to talk about.
The three of them were all standing next to each other anyway, so I lined 'em up and took a picture.
I don't think I have a single picture of Alex anywhere where he's not making some sort of odd face, hehe.
Jeff and his new GIRLfriend...it's been nice knowing you, buddy. :P At least she's not a ho. Haha, seriously though, she seems like a sweetheart, though I didn't get to talk to her a whole lot.
Another face I haven't seen in quite awhile. I didn't get pics of everyone, though I guess I wasn't trying terribly hard.
I don't get to see much of Joshie and Ren much anymore, so it was nice to see them there.
I love this picture of us.
I toasted in 2006 with a champagne glass filled with cherry kool aid (which I left at Jeff's by mistake, along with my brownie pan =/). It was fantabulous to see so many fun people again. For as much as some have changed, everyone is still pretty much the same...
Even Toby got in on the action with his little yellow football.
MORNING AFTER
if you want to call it that - most of us didn't go to sleep until later in the morning.
I felt a little closer to Eddie after he spent much of his drunkenness talking to me about how hot he thinks I am and telling me a sad love story...He's a fun kid, I miss him.
No party would be complete without some sort of prank on Chris. This time Jon did the honors.
That will have to do as far as pictures; if you want to see the rest I've had some printed off and the rest are on a disc, just lemme know.
Posted by Rachel at 11:41 PM |
Monday, January 02, 2006
Firsts of 2006First Song: The Happy New Year song they play after the ball drops
First Food: either Lays potato chips or Death By Chocolate
First Drink: cherry kool-aid
First Words: Happy New Year!
First Kiss: Dan, of course
First IM: Jeff a day later (I wasn't on here on New Year's day)
First Phone Call: still waiting for that one. Ryan tried to call me yesterday but I didn't answer in time.
First Laugh: First good laugh was probably when Jon tied Quinn up "like a piggy."
First Promise: I haven't made any promises but I've made a couple resolutions.
First Thought: I better move my cherry kool-aid so I don't spill it when I kiss Dan, lol.
I actually made 2 new year's resolutions this year. One is to start writing in my journal (the paper one) every day for at least 15 minutes to a half hour. The other is to fix my financial situation so that I can actually take a trip out of state this year for either Spring Break or summer vacation.
Jeff's party was fantastical; pictures to come later.
